Signing off

All,

I have take an office job and will be flying a desk for a while, thanks to all those who have enjoyed the rants.......The new blog starts tomorrow.

The offshore engineer shal return in a diffirent capacity.

Regards

Another Long Night

So trying to get to sleep and stay asleep seems to be recurring theme of the week so far. Robbie left today and so was in for a shower at about 10am followed by the arrival of my new day shift compadre Garry at about 1. I gave up on the sleeping thing at about 14:00hrs read for about an hour and then had a shower. I dragged my carcus down to the TV room and sat in front of it for a while. Not really absorbing anything. I went outside to see if I could see Gary. I expended alot of waset energy floating around between the tv room and the boot room with no sign of my back to back. At about 5 I finally gave up and tannoyed him. He'd been up in the heli lounge for the last couple of hours. We ate and chatted and then it was time for the pre-tour meeting. At the start of the shift the senior guys on the rig tell us all that has been happening and all they expect to happen over the next 12 hours(a standard tour) After that its time to get to the unit for some sitting about. Surfing the net and reading. Not alot gets done.

Switching over to Nights

As part of the continuing diary of the offshore engineer for the last 2 week hitch for a while the first day and night offshore are always the most difficult. Usually bacause you are trying to turn your world upside down. Once you have arrived you then have 3 or four hours to try to get a little sleep. Anyone who has ever slept for this length of time will know that you generally wake up feeling more tired than when you went to sleep. This is something to do with your body going into a transition sleep between light sleep and deep Rem sleep. You are not in your deepest sleep so therefore don't recharge properly but you go far enough into it to allow waking up to be painful. When the alarm does get you up you stumble around for a couple of hours then find the lightswitch and get out on shift. Your back to back explains the state of play and gives you the tour. The night passes without too much hasstle a few glitches but nothing too tough. And by 6am all you crave is bed. Afetr knocking off your force yourself to eat a little breakfast and then head for Zed's. The first 3 hours is exhaustion sleep, then a bathroom break, then another hour snoozing and then another bathroom break. by 12 noon your body is already trying to get you up. You again have a sleep where you never quite get into that deep zone and are still tired. I decided to waste some time in the gym at this point. Tramping down the staris into the bowels of the rig passing watertight doors, the only indication that this floating drilling rig is a ship when it isn't jacked up on the sea bed drilling an oil well with the lettering stencilled onto the door"must remain closed while at sea". 30 mins cycling(it could have been longer the bike wanted me to do an hour) then 30mins on the X-Trainer followed by 15mins on the treadmill. it would have been longer but some idiot came in and without asking put the telly on and then the stereo. full volume dance over my Ipods Jimmy Hendrix just got me upset and I went for a strech and a shower. By this time it was almost 3:30 and a cup of tea and a read took me through to dinner at 5. Afetr the ops meeting at 5:45 I cornered the STC(Safety Training Coach)and got some training material for the evening and met Robbie in the boot room for a brief handover. Right now I feel very tired. It will pass and I will have 40winks in front of the TV later if nothing is going on. Trying to phone home has become a little frustrating too, the call dials out but there seems to be a jam at the BP exchange and won't dial past that. Tired and frustrated while tring to turn my world onto its head. The rig rumbles away in the background not really giving a toss about my frustration or the frustration of the others on board. Just a large hollow meccano set wired for sound and sparks to keep everything running. A huge diesel engine at its core running day and night burning up the refined version of the stuff being pumped out of the ground all around us. People, fuel, electricity, air, hydraulic oil and water being pumped around its arteries by motivation, pumps, turbines, and compressors. At its brain a radio room receiving instructions from town.....little do they know that each part makes a little decision of its own.

Parafin Budgie

This being my last trip working regularly in the north sea I have decided to do a diary of posts or a sequence of events of what it is like to travel, live and work out here. it of course all begins at the heliport where you are weighed and measured for your trip. Everyone has a card produced by a company called Vantage which gives you a reference number. All your training details are referenced to this number and you become that number when you enter the heliport. The checking-in girl checks your ID and passport and asks you step on the scales. I am not the lightest worker and gingerly step onto the scales and take a long hard look at the number thinking that will only go up once the galley offshore comes into the equation later. I check the personal details and next of kin. This always strike home the danger you are about to put yourself through and you can't help but flash across to that phone call or visit. the horror that ensues. Then the girl asks you how many bags you have and to put them on the scales. The check in tab is secured to the handle with the destination and then you lift your bags off and carry them over to the security desk. "Any lighters or matches?, any medication?" asks the little mannie behind the desk, usually a semi retired gent. Both the lighter and matches are of course contraband on the rig and the Medic must examine all medicines arriving offshore. The security guard starts to rummage inside your bag. "Any laptops or MP3 players? Do you have a mobile?" All must be checked that they are working properly and that they are then switched off. I have no idea why they need to be functioned tested probably to check they aren't some kind of insenduary device in disguise. Your bags then leave you at this point and disappear to the helicopter. The next time I see them it will be on the rig. After this I have an hour in the lounge. The lounge has a cafe and some large screen TV's and in this particular one a couple of internet stations. I send an e-mail to my wife, my sister and my pal. Shortly after I am called through to the gate. Just like and flight gate there is a detector and a search. another ID check and then it's through to the departure lounge. We all watch the safety video, detailing all the things to do in an emergency and how to put on your survival suit. How the helicopter safety sytems work and how to operate your re-breather. Then the attendant arrives and calls out everyone's name handing then their survival suit. Tucking in your socks definately helps getting your suit on. It stops your trouser legs from getting dragged up to your shins. climbing inot the siut you wonder if this will be a safe place if it all goes wrong. The kneck and wrist seals hug your skin like the tightest fitting jumper your granny knitted for you when you were at school. and then you fasten the zip from right shoulder to left hip and you are in. Squat down to expel trapped air and hold open the kneck. Then you feel like a vaccum packed smokie! The life jacket goes on over the top and the crotch strap clips you in. Tighten it all up and tuck in any loose ends and you are good to go. The attendant come in and gives you the final check and chat. "make sure you have gloves in your sleeve pockets and a hood in the leg pocket of your survival suit. secure all reading material in your suit pocket while embarking and dis-embarking" it is all carefully scripted and signed off by the nearest passenger. We are then all escorted to the helicopter, which is running and ready to go. The ground staff check everyone is securely strapped in and then closes the door. The pilot does his comms check"can you all here me?" everyone raises a thumb." We should be about 55minutes out to the rig today. the weather is fine and steady and it should be a comfortable flight for you today. Any problems then please come forward and bring it to out attention." The helicopter taxis out onto the runway and then the noise increases and the helicopter lifts vertically into the air. Then the nose is pointed at the ground and the helicopter drags itself along through the air until it achieves enough forward speed for the wings to act properly. The passengers read books, papers and sleep there way through the flight. then 5 mins before the rig there is announcement and we land.

Back to back

I suppose up to this point I have more regularly been the second or third man on a job and now I am a little more experienced I have started to do more day shifts and been more responsible for just doing the job before and getting things right. trying to make sure the data I was sending in every morning was to a high enough standard and if it wasn't giving myself a good swift kick in the bollocks if it wasn't(quite a trick and if you haven’t tried it....don't, you'll only do yourself an injury). I think that the more I did it the less I ever thought I would get to the point where I would be supervising another MWD hand. Well now it is happening it appears to be less plus points on day shift than I thought there might. Well I suppose that the day shift is much better for your sleep pattern although getting up at 4:30am doesn’t seem to be agreeing with me as much as I thought it would. I seem to find my sleep occasionally disturbed by, well I don't quite know how to put it, by the other guy. The less experienced version of myself, the guy that is doing the job that I have been doing for the last 18 months. It is a bit weird to think that he is relying on me the way I relied on the day guy. I must admit though that I don't remember being quite as bad as this guy. I mean I did know when the tool was pulsing and when it wasn't and I could track depth pretty well. But that aside, I suppose its back to where I left off with Reeves. Being that first guy is always a bit different and there is a mindset that you need to get into to do it. The mindset is "trust no-one" always check everything that has been handled by anyone else and make sure you cover your arse with the biggest piece of steel that you can find an then galvanise the steel.

June and July Posts

The times they are a changing - The Noughties working man

This is offshore, advertised as the most hostile toughest working environment in the world. The roughtiest toughtiest bunch of glass-eating hardheads in the world. There is macho and then there is offshore! This is surely the best melting pot in the world in which to gauge how culture changes. Listening in on coversations at the dinner table and in the tea shack you can get an amazing picture of what you can and can't talk about if you are a bloke. This week the Roughnecks(the roughest toughtiest bunch out here) are talking about the nutritional value of penut butter. The conversation usually starts with, "I can't believe your eating that shite!" "How(pause), I'ts full of protein." "There's more fat than protien in that, whats the fat content?" "Aye your right, but there is 25 grams of protein in it." "Is that per 100 grams?" "No(pause as the label is read), it says per serving." "Its still shite!" Food nutrition is something that we all took for granted until the food standards agency decided that we could all be better educated about what we eat. But what is recommended is always an average. Everyone is different and everyone requires a different amount of nutrition daily. The information helps and it is remarkable that we all take an active interest in how much of everything we eat a day. I think the roughnecks need a better idea of the nutritional value of Jock Pie, beans and chips. And the catering crews need alot more training in nutrition and eating healthily on a budget.

Downtime and WOW (waiting on weather)

The Fog......... The peep peep peeeeeeeeep, of the fog horn every 4 seconds is heard everywhere on the rig from the Galley to the Helideck, from the rig floor to the warm cosy place that you are curled up in thinking "I'm going off today?" The helicopter flights start to slip every where and instantly all turn to the internet to surf to the scotia or bristows website. "Has there been any flights lifted from town yet?" "Nah, there's no vis in Aberdeen." "are you on the first or the second flight?" "The second, why do you think it will get bumped?" "No chance! Thats the crew change flight and the OIM's going on holiday tomorrow. I think you'll be safe the first flight will get cancelled first!" "peep, peep, peeeeeeep. peep, peep, peeeeep. peep, peep, peeeeep." And as always we will just have to wait on weather.

The Offshore Medic Your own personal doctor....offshore. The perfect partner for any hypochondriac. These guys and gals are fantastic. Nothing surprises them they are always there to help from a sniffle to a fatality. They don't really get enough praise because they are only every needed when it all goes wrong. I have been medicated and stuck back together by these people and they are they best. Offshore workers are the healthiest workers in industry and this along with the medical very 2 years keeps us that way. If you are feeling at all unwell get to the doctor.

New Up-Starts

To all those new to the oil industry and offshore life.

STOP PISSING OFF THE EXPERIENCED PEOPLE OFFSHORE!

When you start with a new employer it is important to know your place and realise that you must start at the bottom and work your way to the top through respect, hard work, keeping your nose to the grindstone and being as helpful as you are able. You will not win friend in high places by starting your vocation with a "ooo, you don't want to do it like that" attitude. Also very unhelpful is the "well I'm not doing that", the "I think that you should do it this way" and above all "that's not how they taught us to do it in school" mantra. Remember kiddywinkles this is not school it is the real deal! This is the place where, if you pay close attention, you will learn how it has been done for years and then if you are all very good little boys and girls in about 10 years you will all be invited to stick you oar in and make things better for everyone.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't practice your rowing early, in fact buy an oar, sit on the boat and watch how the big boys do it. By this I mean speak up when you are away ask questions like "why are you doing it like that?" or "why cant we do this instead?" and if you are really adventurous try "what if we did it like this?". For the observant in the group you will have noticed that the last three all ended with "?". This is your most effective form of punctuation as a new start add it to the end of every sentence and you will almost always get a positive response, providing you use a little common sense before it.
Above everything else do not, DO NOT, even if your life depends upon it go back into the office and start any sentences with "When I was offshore I saw........" The end of these sentences are usually something that they really don't want to here in the office and involve vast amounts of fannying about with a dozen different paper systems all of which will do very little and might even negatively effect stock prices. If you are offshore and you do see something ask a question.
You will see things offshore that look like they are a little bit odd. These guys have been doing what they do for a very long time and have all learned the hard way. Their are systems in place to help them learn from their mistakes and to let them express themselves to the town bods. Use these systems too and then you are playing the correct game and are unlikley to piss off the world. Good Luck

Angry Uncle Scott