Parafin Budgie

This being my last trip working regularly in the north sea I have decided to do a diary of posts or a sequence of events of what it is like to travel, live and work out here. it of course all begins at the heliport where you are weighed and measured for your trip. Everyone has a card produced by a company called Vantage which gives you a reference number. All your training details are referenced to this number and you become that number when you enter the heliport. The checking-in girl checks your ID and passport and asks you step on the scales. I am not the lightest worker and gingerly step onto the scales and take a long hard look at the number thinking that will only go up once the galley offshore comes into the equation later. I check the personal details and next of kin. This always strike home the danger you are about to put yourself through and you can't help but flash across to that phone call or visit. the horror that ensues. Then the girl asks you how many bags you have and to put them on the scales. The check in tab is secured to the handle with the destination and then you lift your bags off and carry them over to the security desk. "Any lighters or matches?, any medication?" asks the little mannie behind the desk, usually a semi retired gent. Both the lighter and matches are of course contraband on the rig and the Medic must examine all medicines arriving offshore. The security guard starts to rummage inside your bag. "Any laptops or MP3 players? Do you have a mobile?" All must be checked that they are working properly and that they are then switched off. I have no idea why they need to be functioned tested probably to check they aren't some kind of insenduary device in disguise. Your bags then leave you at this point and disappear to the helicopter. The next time I see them it will be on the rig. After this I have an hour in the lounge. The lounge has a cafe and some large screen TV's and in this particular one a couple of internet stations. I send an e-mail to my wife, my sister and my pal. Shortly after I am called through to the gate. Just like and flight gate there is a detector and a search. another ID check and then it's through to the departure lounge. We all watch the safety video, detailing all the things to do in an emergency and how to put on your survival suit. How the helicopter safety sytems work and how to operate your re-breather. Then the attendant arrives and calls out everyone's name handing then their survival suit. Tucking in your socks definately helps getting your suit on. It stops your trouser legs from getting dragged up to your shins. climbing inot the siut you wonder if this will be a safe place if it all goes wrong. The kneck and wrist seals hug your skin like the tightest fitting jumper your granny knitted for you when you were at school. and then you fasten the zip from right shoulder to left hip and you are in. Squat down to expel trapped air and hold open the kneck. Then you feel like a vaccum packed smokie! The life jacket goes on over the top and the crotch strap clips you in. Tighten it all up and tuck in any loose ends and you are good to go. The attendant come in and gives you the final check and chat. "make sure you have gloves in your sleeve pockets and a hood in the leg pocket of your survival suit. secure all reading material in your suit pocket while embarking and dis-embarking" it is all carefully scripted and signed off by the nearest passenger. We are then all escorted to the helicopter, which is running and ready to go. The ground staff check everyone is securely strapped in and then closes the door. The pilot does his comms check"can you all here me?" everyone raises a thumb." We should be about 55minutes out to the rig today. the weather is fine and steady and it should be a comfortable flight for you today. Any problems then please come forward and bring it to out attention." The helicopter taxis out onto the runway and then the noise increases and the helicopter lifts vertically into the air. Then the nose is pointed at the ground and the helicopter drags itself along through the air until it achieves enough forward speed for the wings to act properly. The passengers read books, papers and sleep there way through the flight. then 5 mins before the rig there is announcement and we land.